Transformers Star Huntington-Whiteley Wins Maxim’s Most Wank Worthy Accolade
Published: May 05, 2020
Imagine the communal disappointment of lad mag Maxim’s ‘readers’ when they found out that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley was not thinking of becoming a lesbian but would be starring in a film as a thespian. Cue the thunderous cacophany as every reader’s scrotum simultaneously un-retracts.
In her starring role in the forthcoming third, and no doubt cerebral, Transformers movie, the body turned actress replaced Megan Fox, after Fox apparently upset the director by referring to him as ‘Hitler’, which isn’t his name.
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley went through a stringent casting test to land the part in Transformers 3. I imagine her mechanical acting will be perfect for the job.
Maxim has now awarded the underwear model turned valid human the highest accolade a half-dressed fantasy wank object could ever possibly receive: Maxim’s Hottest Hottie 2011. A list that celebrates undoubtedly beautiful but scarily soulless looking, scantily clad, over Photoshopped, avatar-like bints.
With regards to her new acting career, the hottiest hottie has enjoyed adding another bow to her g-string by proving that she is not only very talented at wearing underwear, but can also pull several other facial expressions, much like her predecessor and fellow centrefold cum-bucket, Megan Fox.
I’m being mean of course, just because she is stunning and a regular feature in lad rags, doesn’t automatically mean that she has no discernible talent. It might be an exceptional script. A return to intelligent film making. I’ve not seen it. It’s cyincal to assume that she was offered the position on her looks alone.
According to Maxim editor-in-chief, Joe Levy “Rosie is a true transformer — a Victoria’s Secret stunner who is about to go supernova when she takes over for Megan Fox in the Transformers franchise — her talent is as undeniable as her beauty, which is pretty jaw-droppingly undeniable.”
The slightly dubious accolade basically means she has been voted the face readers would most like to abandon hot strings of semen across. Other bodies deemed wank-worthy by the man rag include Katy Perry, Cameron Diaz, Anne Hathaway and Olivia Munn.
On set and clearly doing an excellent act, Rosie is all set to battle robots in her underwear. I wonder what the target audience is for Transformers 3.
“It’s a great title to have for a year and you can have some fun with it, I think,” enthused Huntington-Whiteley. She demonstrates her acting prowess and celebrates her uniqueness by appearing in the latest issue of the magazine wearing nothing but a leather jacket and micro-shorts. She must feel very good about herself knowing that she has been offered a film role based on her acting talent and that millions of overweight mechanics embalm her photoshopped body in hot man spatter during their teabreaks on a regular basis. Very proud parents too, I should think.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon opens in the US 1st July and will see high brow cineastes rushing to the box office in droves to catch a glimpse of the studious thespian at work. Sources say the audition process was rigorous.
“I’ve seen the last two movies. So I kind of knew what I was getting into, but obviously not at all as well,” she commented shrewdly in an interview with MTV.
“It was a crazy opportunity that was handed to me, and I spent seven months making the movie with a great cast and a great director, and it’s been a roller coaster of a lifetime for sure. I’m still on it, I don’t know if I’m going to get off anytime soon.”
You might not be Ms. Barrel-Barrel but those mechanics certainly are.
Give us you thoughts on Rosie Huntington-Whiteley’s award by spaffing your mind jizz onto our comment face.
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07. May, 2011
.In May 2010 it was announced that Huntington-Whiteley would be replacing as the female lead in set for release on 1 July 2011.